Today it has been nearly 15 days since my beautiful Aunt Jennifer has passed away.
Losing someone you love causes an unexplainable pain that radiates deep within you. It is like an endless void that cannot ever be filled or mended. You start reading old text messages, hoping that your phone will chime and their name will flash on your screen one last time. You stare at doors waiting for that person to walk through. People ask if you’re OK, or if there’s anything they can do, but you already know that there isn’t anything that will help. In their loss, you feel lost yourself.
With these feelings of despair, it is easy to begin to doubt things – you doubt doctors’ decisions, you doubt yourself, and you even doubt God. You question how someone with so much love to give could be cursed with an illness such as leukemia, or have to lose their life so early. Why does God even allow such things as cancer to exist?
The more I longed for my aunt Jennifer to come home, the more I realized that I wasn’t being fair. I want to hear her high-pitched shrill laugh that fades to a chuckle. I want to go outside and hear her yelling at my uncle Leroy for some unknown reason. I want her to pop my side with a towel after taste testing a little too much before Thanksgiving.
But then I asked, what did our Lord want? Life and death is not our decision to make. We do not get to choose, and wanting to choose for Jennifer was selfish of me.
With uncertainty, doubt or loss, the one thing we must never lose is hope – Hope that Jennifer is now at peace in Heaven, and that we will all one day be reunited with those we have lost.
Faith, hope and love are three of the hardest feelings to explain.
Hope transcends all religious boundaries yet somehow entwines itself with faith. If you have hope for a better tomorrow, you have faith. Both hope and faith can be used and used, and nothing will ever be asked in return. It only stops if you stop, and only grows if you allow it to. It never ceases, nor does love. Love is the very reason why death hurts us so much, and it is also the very thing that can help us through it.
Losing something intends that it can be found, therefore losing someone intends the same. Those we have lost have found eternal rest and peace with our Lord and Savior, and in our loss, we have found love.
Wishing all of you who have lost someone peace and happiness in your lives. I hope that you can look past the doubt, and see the love – and through that love, find faith that will bring you closer to God. Remember to tell those closest to you that you love them because life and death is not our decision to make.