Keeping true to the theme of my blog, writing about the events that happen in my life, I am going to share something that has taken a lot of strength for me to write. On Tuesday, May 22nd, my grandma that I spoke of in many of my posts (particularly the Squeaky Clean Snake) passed away. Although this is a very personal event to happen in my family’s life, I feel it is right to share it with those who would read and get enjoyment from the stories I would tell. You may not have known my grandma like I did, but you could relate to her through the stories.
Saying death is hard to cope with doesn’t begin to describe the feelings I have been having. Standing on the stoop to her house, I expect and so want for her to be there, to pull back the small curtain that covers her window, to peer out at me and unlock the door. But she’s not. And I know she is not, it just all seems so surreal… hard to sink in… impossible to cope with.
If I learned anything from my grandma it was strength and hard work. It is going to take a long time to learn to handle the random things that trigger tears, and figure out what to do with myself on Sundays. (This is when I would visit her and do her yard work…) But she will always be in my heart, and with the support of my amazing family I will manage.
Because I shared this with my family and Grandma after she passed, I am going to share it with you …
One thing I will always remember about Grandma is her asking me “How ya doing, Anna?” every time I walked through the door carrying her bags of kitty litter. Most of the time my answer was “fine” or “good,” but one day I remember I was really stressed about final exams and told her “Grandma, school sucks!” She didn’t know what sucks meant, but it very quickly became one of her favorite words. She started to say “Let me tell me you what really sucks… CPS” or “SAWS sucks, you understand what I’m saying?”. Grandma had a general hatred for all utility companies, and doctors, and cops, and a lot of her neighbors. But she always took the time to see how I was doing. When I told her I was stressed with school work, she took out her prayer book and shared with me 2 prayers that she had written down many years ago. One prayer she shared with me was called Protections.
The light of God surrounds me;
The love of God enfolds me;
The power of God protects me;
The presence of God watches over me;
Wherever I am, God is.
The second she shared with me was
May the twinkle never leave your eye
Nor sadness enter into your heart
But happiness abound within you always
And peace dwell at your side
May contentment be your closest companion
And the Lord your dearest friend
May he richly bless your life with laughter
From here to eternity’s end
Grandma always had faith and is one of the strongest people I know. She taught me to pray and pray even harder during the hard times. She may not be physically here to pray with me, but I know she is listening and that she will still always be there to watch over us all and see how we are doing.